Imperfect Jealousy
by Dawn of Solstice
Summary: Jealousy is a cruel thing. It can lie. It can deceive. It has done many things. But above all, I was the one who broke Tris and I apart. I can never be perfect like my sibling. I will always be flawed, I will always be imperfect. Dedicated to FantasyWisher. :D
1. Jealousy Is A Cruel Thing

**So, this one-shot is dedicated to _FantasyWisher, _an awesome author and an even better person. :D Happy birthday!**

_Jealousy. _It is a cruel thing.

It can break apart love, friendship, and family.

It can change people.

It can deceive.

It can kill.

It has taken Beatrice away from me; We used to be best-friends. We grew up together. She was my _sister- _that is, until my parents started favoring her. Even though our faction does not value favoritism, they fawned over her whenever she walked into the room. Her back was always held straight, her hair and eyes shone brightly and she had an aura of confidence wherever she walked. She was different. She stood out. She was the extraordinary rose in the middle of all too ordinary patches of grass.

And I was jealous.

For years, I pretended not to notice the unfairness- none of the other Abnegation even so much as _suspected_ such a thing- and it pained me. To be the ugly duckling of the family, to always be left out, it was all _painful_. I was always ignored, while the spotlight was always on her.

And then we both transferred.

I wanted to get away from it.

When I slit the skin on the palm of my hand, and let the blood ooze into the bowl of water, I saw the look of surprise cross our father's face. He shouldn't be surprised; he caused my transfer. But when _she _let her blood fall over those coals I finally realized how selfish she had grown over the years. She had a loving family. One that never neglected her and then she _left_, leaving everything behind- the love that mother and father gave her, everything! She left everything behind.

Our mother was the only one who loved me, but when I heard that she had died for Beatrice- no, _Tris_... that's when I snapped. It felt like something deep inside me had awoken. Tris pushed me over the edge.

And I knew that I was too far gone for anyone to reach me.

I wanted revenge and the best way to do that was to join Jeanine. Now it's just us two, Tris and me, head to head. The battle of the factions. It's a war- for the Erudite, and for mother. This is more than sibling rivalry.

Victory, fame... Power. It all comes at a price.

Only one of us will win, there is no in-between.

Only one of us will win, and I'm sure that it will not be me.

Jealousy makes people lie.

Jealousy makes people change.

Jealousy makes people kill.

Jealousy breaks apart love, friendship, and family.

_Jealousy _is a cruel thing.

But _I_ was the thing that took Beatrice away from me.


	2. Imperfect

I was never perfect. I was always hidden by my brother's shadow, so no one paid me much attention, unlike Parker.

I did what Parker did so I could have their affection, too, but I always ended up failing. So, I crawled back to my room in shame and thought endlessly of things that could give me their attention: nothing.

I just felt so angry, so useless.

I tried to be the better one, whenever I could; It felt good to be in power- but it was only a second that I could savor it before I began plummeting to the ground again. I hurt people to be in power, inflicted pain onto people.

And one day, I made a friend. He offered me what looked like an Erudite needle. He said to inject it into my vein and I would feel good, better. So I did. I felt a rush of excitement- a _jolt_. It made me forget things. Forget Parker. Forget my parents.

And then it ended.

So I found myself doing it again, to relive that oblivion.

Rumors circulated throughout Candor that I took drugs.

One day the police came when we were high. My friend made a beeline towards the exit, and I was just left there. Stranded, frozen in place.

They arrested me.

Once mother and father bought me out, they screamed and screamed until my ears were numb. They hit me. I could still taste the thick blood that flooded my mouth as soon as the bat was brought out.

The house was silent with my screams.

I didn't fight back, because I knew that I deserved it: For letting myself go, for running away from my problems. I tried to forget, but I could always hear a voice nagging me about what my so-called "family" would think.

One day I saw a blonde Abnegation girl; She was stunning in her simple gray. Her eyes shone brightly. Her smile was dazzling. Her back was held straight, as if she wasn't afraid of anything and she had an air of confidence wherever she went.

I wanted to get to know her, until she was whisked away by- who I presume was- her brother. Our eyes connected and he scowl briefly, before averting his gaze. I remembered him. He had caused me a beating. He had gotten me started on drugs. He was Caleb Prior. When I saw her at initiation, I thought, why not? Her brother was to blame, why not hurt him through her? So I injured her. And she fought back, she never gave up. I admired her for that. That was the day I fell in love with her.

But she chose _Four_.

And I snapped. After all these years of rejection and neglect, I finally thought that it was over. And then I was walked over, once again. Like grass, always getting stomped on, pulled apart, and never paid much attention.

I could never be the perfect son. I had flaws. I was imperfect, Parker wasn't. And I was jealous. I was the ugly duckling in the family. Except I never grew up to become a swan, or an eagle, or however the story ended.

I remained the ugly duckling, stained with sadness and sin.

I joined Jeanine to get back at him, for making me suffer alone all those years. War time came, and Parker was in it. It was him and I, face to face. And I killed him.

Jealousy is a cruel thing.

Parker is gone.

And I will always have flaws, _I will always be imperfect_.


End file.
